My Seat Reclines Beotch!!! (The Flight)
One of the things I was excited about in regards to going to Hong Kong was the simple fact that I would get to fly business class. I’m an economy class kinda guy so the thought of being pampered and eating edible food while I laid in a fully reclined seat kinda rubs me the right way.
I arrived to JFK about two and a half hours early and found the first/business class check-in counter. There was no line and I was checked in in seconds and given my ticket to the first class lounge. Perks!!!! I used to press my nose against the glass of the first class lounge and wonder what it was like. Now it was my turn to experience it.
The first class lounge at JFK is huge. Lotsa rich and special looking people lounge around typing on blackberries and laptops. Some just lay on recliners sipping mimosas or bloody marys while looking fabulous. Me, I just kinda meandered around looking for coffee. There were all these little areas with different food and drink but none of them had anyone working at them. Then I realized that it was all free and self service. Wine? Sure help yourself to any of the 20 or so bottles they had on the counter. Stiff drink? Sure help yourself. Donuts, bagels, cereal, fresh fruit? Be our guest.
I found the coffee machine and while I was making my double esspresso I saw the funniest thing. A man dressed in a very expensive suit started eyeing the little packages of milano cookies on the counter and then he reached out and grabbed about 20 packs and put them in his briefcase and his pockets. Fuckin’ rich people!
Three double esspresso later I was boarding the plane and boarding before the lowly creatures in economy class I might add. I found my little cubicle located at 16f and prepared for my 15 hour journey. Huang, my flight steward greeted me by name and took my jacket and offered me a beverage. I was so delighted that I didn’t even mind how bad he mispronunciated my last name. I immediately tried out all the functions of my seat, making sure that it fully reclined into a bed and that the back massager worked. I winked at the coach customers passing by me wide eyed with jealousy and disbelief as they gawked at me, fully reclined, pillow behind my head, sipping an orange juice and perusing the in flight breakfast menu wondering if I should go for the mushroom omellete or the beef and noodles (who the hell eats beef and noodles for breakfast). ‘That’s right…my seat reclines all the way back beotch’ I shouted in my head at the ‘lookie loos’ as they passed one by one with looks ranging from jealousy to disgust as they grappled with the fact that they would spend the next fifteen hours strapped in their tiny coach seat while people like me slept in pure comfort. I’m a pretty nice guy but I wasn’t going to pass up one of the only opportunities I would ever have to act like a rich snob. But I digress… the food was great, the service was hyper-attentive and I managed 10 hours of sleep and five hours of watching movies (don’t bother watching Get Smart…it blows).
